lux aeterna

oh shut up, shut up, shut up. I still love who you used to be, but you’re gone now. out of reach, completely, and there’s nothing I can do. I certainly can’t test and see if you’re still there, because you don’t want me, and I’m trying not to want you and if you did come back to me, I would just fall in love with you again. Would you please just turn into someone unrecognizable, so I wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore? So I could let you die inside of my head, inside of my heart? It would be so much easier to quell my heart if you could die inside of me, leaving no path of return and no trace in the present. But you linger in my world, your traces haunting me and my eyes always watching, always paranoid. Will my you just die already, so I can move on?

Drums

To a sacrificial ceremony

More and more shreds of my heart.

They fall in ashes

And catch on your breath. 

It’s killing me.

Wearing me down,

Filling me like a poison.

Like a never ending torture

Like a never ending task

Like reaching out

And missing by 10 feet

And every time

You hit the ground,

Your heart slams against your chest

And breaks a little more. 

Someone I should have forgotten

Once taught me a lesson. 

And I wondered

Why she of all people

Would be worried about how the hands

Of the clocks move forward. 

In her sleep,

She fights

She lashes out

And catches my cheek

But I’m unaware

Of the time she’s reliving

And her voice,

So cold, so angry,

Striking me to the core

Even before I knew fear.