I never knew how much you meant to me until now. And now, I’m truly alone. Here in my room. And I’m scared. I’m scared as hell, because you’re six miles away and I know there’s nothing in this room but there are so many things in my head, and they crawl out into the darkness, with disfigured faces and the faces of my nightmares and I can’t take my face off this screen, because I might meet their eyes. I can feel them lurking behind my back, but right now is the same as all the nights I spent in that room in France, cut off from the world and thousands of miles away, and I just want you to hold me. I want to be in your arms, because you make it all go away. You make me feel safe. Truly safe, because in my heart I know I want to trust you. But without you I’m scared. I’m weak. I hurt, and I lose sight of these things that I’ve been living for. It’s like you start to fade away, disappear from my life, and cease to exist, so I slip back into the way I was, the me that didn’t care. The timeless, senseless girl who never knew what she wanted. But now the darkness surrounds her, threatening to devour what they’ve found and she’s cowering under her covers and withering in the heat. I miss you. I miss you so. I’m unstable on my own. I can feel myself falling apart, breaking somewhere inside or maybe just fading away the way I knew I would if you were to ever leave. How can you do this to me, make me believe everything you say. Make me take to heart all your memories. But are they memories, or are they stories? I can’t help my doubts, these things that eat away at my soul and tell me everything I’ve done might be for something that was just a dream. And then what purpose would I have? I Love you, but I’d be broken. But my intuition isn’t working this time, and I’m on my own as the soft breezes from my fan touch my skin and I feel the gaze of something hitting my back. Love, I’m scared. Please help me.
