lux aeterna

Another thing that has changed… I feel absolutely no draw to be close to him. I have no desire to be held by him or hold him. I have no automatic process that occasionally offers a comforting/familiar touch. I have no inclination to kiss him on the shoulder. I have only this huge distance that I threw between me and him, physically, emotionally and mentally. I feel like my subconscious brain has gone into overdrive, rewriting my mind so that hurt less while this goes on.